Shit Dwight Howard Would Wear: Oklahoma City Children
Today I want to talk about what’s going on in Oklahoma City. We had the Bad Boys, we had the Fab Five, but these cats in OKC on some Little Rascals shit! I don’t what’s going on. Durant keeps his backpack on like its his blankie, Westbrook on some Dee and Ricky stuff, and James Harden is the kid in high school that sleeps in a car parked at walmart and looks like a wino. What is up with that beard? Looks terroristic to me!
I’m not sayin’ its terrorist, i’m sayin it’s terroristic just like I didn’t try to get Stan fired, I just you know… We’re not worried about that though. I’m focused on these children in OKC. You grown ass men! Come on yall, throw some zippers and epaulettes on that shit. Let’s go. Respect the dress code kids.
Remember the word yall. Cause when I win my MVP next year, I’m accepting it with Holando Magic pin stripe jeggings on, yessir! I mean, I was on this shit before bron bron because I always try to wear the tightest under armor possible and I thought to myself, why am I wearing under armor type stuff up top, but not on my legs? Now that’s a damn shame! So during games, under armor up top. Night on the town, jeggings on bottom. Brunch? Church? Clandestine meetings with that chick I got pregnant on Basketball Wives? JEGGINGS.
Every body knows being a taste maker is about more than just clothes. It’s a 360 thing. Chefs are hot right now and my favorite chef is Arthur Treacher. Every body on these Five Guys, In n’ Out, Shake Shack thangs, but Dwight Howard is into classic. Arthur Treachers is more than just burgers. He got a whole range of techniques that Miami Subs couldn’t even dream of. Burgers, chicken, shrimp, fish, you want it HE GOT IT.
Plus, I was on this black and white movie and fisherman’s platter thing BEFORE the Artist won an Oscar! That’s TASTE MAKIN’ YALL. Shit, Arthur even got PANKO, that’s British AND Japanese shit! Call me International. WATCH OUT PHARRELL I SEE U AND YOUR BACKPACK AND YOUR SKATEBOARD AND YOUR JAPANESE FRIENDS. Dwight Howard is COMING!
So, I usually don’t do this but uhhh, I’ma hit you off with TWO FASHION WORD OF THE DAYS today since we just started this tumblr. Don’t get used to it yall!
People like to talk about “over cooked”. We’ll get to that at some point but in my world there is NO SUCH THING as over cooked, only under cooked. You know Dwight Howard orders his filet mignon twice cooked well done! But at the All Star game, I wanted to give people something new.
Throw them a curve ball, so I went under cooked all nonchalant like I wasn’t even trying and all. People looked at my top half thinkin’ I forgot what time it was.
"Oh hey, wassup Dwight? Nothin? Oh yea, I’m just chillllliiiinnn, hostin’ the all-star game in my city, aint no thang. Just mixed a little J. Crew spring over some LL Bean." They was about to go talk to Dwayne Wade about his see through knits, but scroll down and BAM. LOOK AT THE MO-FUCKIN JEANS YALL.
Is that LEATHER Dwight? Is that BUTTONS Dwight? Oh now you wanna look at these jeans?!?! IS YOU READY FOR THESE JEANS? Is those buttons GOLD? Oh HELL YEA them mo-fuckin buttons is gold. Look at my face, look at my smile, would I be smilin like that if the buttons wasn’t gold? GOTCHU.
Remember this, Dwight Howard = NEVER UNDERCOOKED.
Extra Well Done Filet Mignon Orderer
Today I want to talk about inispirations. See, every fashionista like myself, (and I am one… you better axe somebody) has inispirations. Yes, inispirations such as my MAN Terrell Owens. People ask me a lot of times where I get the inispirations for my style and I like to think its a mix of Terrell Owens meets G-Unit meets Michael Jackson Bad meets Holando chic.
I mean, just look at Terrell here. The button game is C-RA-ZY! And cot damn, brother, is that velvet? It gots to be velvet. And the lines give so much structure #Bossaline! My favorite part of this jacket is that you think its over, but it’s not. Oh no, we got buttons, we got velvet, we got lines, but most importantly we got these off-set epaulette lookin things that make your shoulders look like Padded Mailers. MmmmMMMmmm I get the same feeling eating campbell’s chunky soup that I do looking at this jacket.
Today’s Dwight Howard FASHION WORD OF THE DAY is…
You can never have too many epaulettes. I especially like epaulettes on top of epaulettes. As you can see in the photograph, I had epaulettes on my blazer-trench coat-reversibile outer wear situation. You can’t see it, but I also had epaulettes on the cardigan I was wearing and I even had epaulettes on the red shirt I was wearing.
That’s camel eps on black eps on red eps, damn I’m gettin eps. Also, sneak preview of tomorrow’s fashion word of the day PEEP THE ZIPPER GAME ON MY JACKET.
I’m Dwight Howard and I approve this Curdoroy Blazer Jump-Off from the Ecko Weapon X Files. No one was ever supposed to find this piece, but I gave Col. Stryker a hand job for it and now… IT’S MINE, ALL MINE!!! BWAHAHAHA.
FUCK YOU STAN VAN GUNDY, where your Curdoroy Blazer wit TWO POCKETS at? I could not hit free throws while rockin two blazer chest pockets AT THE SAME DAMN TIME.